I love cheese.  My favorite way to eat plain cheese is on a neutral cracker or on bread.  I once went to a café in a charming medieval village in Provence called Saint-Paul de Vence.  I decided to kick back, have a snack and coffee, and watch the locals play boules (very well I might add).  I spotted a brie sandwich on the menu and ordered that as my snack. 

I have never forgotten that sandwich. 

The brie was practically dripping within the softest baguette you’ve ever sunk your teeth into.  I was in heaven!  I savored every single bite.  I dream of going back and replicating that afternoon.

But reminiscing about France is not the point of this entry.  As I mentioned, I also like to eat cheese on a neutral cracker, and my cracker of choice is the water cracker.  I love its straightforward, semi-sweet, semi-floury taste and texture.  And it accompanies my cheese subtly and modestly. 

The problem though lies in its size.  Here’s the sequence of events:

1. Construct your water cracker hors d’oeuvre
2. Balance hors d’oeuvre while aiming towards your mouth
3. Take a bite halfway through
4. Cracker snaps into a series of unpredictable fault lines
5. Gobble the half that was in your mouth while reaching up with other hand to catch any renegade shards heading for the floor
6. Quickly shove other unstable half into mouth
7. Brush off crumbs from everywhere

What the hell.  To make things worse, in many cases, this scenario is happening at some sort of social event where inevitably you are either trying to impress someone or at least trying not to act like a complete clod.  Or in my case you’re at home where crumbs are taking refuge in crevices you’ll never clean. 

One day when I was grocery shopping, I saw a box next to the usual legoland display of water crackers.  It was a box of BITE-SIZED water crackers.  Needless to say, they were instantly purchased.  They were perfect!  Now you could create your snack and merrily pop it into your mouth.  No muss no fuss! 

I think the last time I saw mini water crackers was 4 years ago.  Since then, every single time I’m in a cracker section, I look to see if they might appear again, but alas.  WHY??  What happened at the water cracker companies to determine that this stupid standard-sized cracker was superior?  Let me assure you.  It is NOT. 

In the meantime, I’ve resorted to breaking the crackers into two and then placing the cheese on top.  Couldn’t they at least perforate the crackers in some way for an even break?  Thus I continue my lonely vigil for the return of bite-sized water crackers.