Growing up Asian meant that I learned how to use chopsticks at a very young age.  Ever since, it has been a useful and practical skill.  I particularly like using chopsticks to eat salad, but that is another post for another time.

When I was little, McDonald’s once offered some sort of Asian-themed item (I can’t remember what it was) and provided chopsticks to complete the charm of their cleverness.  I remember noticing instructions on the chopsticks wrapper.  I pretended like I didn’t know how to use chopsticks and tested the effectiveness of the instructions.  They went something like this:

Step 1: Place one chopstick firmly in the V between your thumb and index finger. Anchor it against your ring finger so that it doesn’t budge when you shake your hand.

Step 2: Hold the second chopstick like a pencil.  Now you should be able to pick up anything!

I was surprised by how good the instructions were, and I’ve used them to help teach others ever since.

Recently, I noticed the instructions on the back of some chopsticks that were not quite at the level of explanation of McDonald’s.  I believe I got them with my Korean takeout.  Here’s what they looked like:

If you were to put captions on each of the images, they would probably say something like this:

Step 1: Break apart the chopsticks.

Step 2: Put them in your hand.

Step 3:  Pick up food!

I love how there is an imperious statement at the bottom that says “The correct method of using chop sticks (you idiot).”  Of course “you idiot” is not on there, but it sure feels like it.

Another time, I was out enjoying a bowl of ramen, and I found this set of instructions:

The captions here might say:

Step 1: Put chopsticks in your hand.

Step 2: Make them say “ahhh.”

Step 3: Pick up food!

Not only are these instructions even more ridiculously unhelpful, the quality of the drawing is a bit rough around the edges.  At first I wasn’t sure there was a difference between Step 1 and Step 2.

I recently went to an Asian sit-down restaurant that reminded me of a PF Chang’s.  At this restaurant, I noticed the instructions on the back of their chopsticks sleeve:

Step 1: Tuck under thumb and hold firmly.

Step 2: Add second chopstick hold it as you hold a pencil.

Step 3: Hold first chopstick in original position move the second one up and down Now you can pick up anything!

Hey!  Like a throwback to my old McDonald’s days!  (Barring the dearth of punctuation that is.)

Do more Americanized Asian restaurants gravitate towards chopsticks with better instructions given the clientele?  The first two pictures above were at pretty authentic places, where you would feel out of place using a fork.  (Except for this being the Bay Area, you’d also probably feel out of place if you weren’t Asian.)  Perhaps these places assumed most of their customers already know how to use chopsticks.  I can imagine someone in these chopsticks companies being told they need to put instructions on the wrappers, rolling their eyes, and tossing out these drawings (you idiot).